I will share my personal opinion as well as those of other writers on thought provoking issues. In other words I’m #justsaying what I think. Remember, we can always agree to disagree
My fiance proposed in April with no engagement ring. He wanted to just go down to the courthouse and marry me plenty of times. I’m not a materialistic person at all. Even when we do get married, I probably wouldn’t wear my wedding ring every day, but I want my engagement ring now. My fiance is still in school and lives with his dad and can’t afford it now. What do you think about me buying my own ring and he gives me the money later on? —Anonymous
You want an engagement ring. You don’t have to apologize for that and it doesn’t make you materialistic, at all. Don’t feel bad about wanting a ring as a symbol of your commitment. The ring isn’t everything, but it is absolutely “a thing,” a cultural tradition (three-fourths of American brides wear diamond engagement rings, according to Kenneth Gassman, president of the Jewelry Industry Research Institute). It’s entirely normal to desire an engagement ring, even if you don’t plan to wear it every day once you are married.
Who pays for the ring isn’t really a big deal, even if it’s an expense that usually falls on the man in heterosexual relationships. Honestly, diamond engagement rings are a relatively modern concept. It’s actually the result of a marketing campaign by De Beers Consolidated Mines that was crafted in a Mad Men-esque marketing agency circa 1938. Have you heard the line, “A diamond is forever?” In 1999, Advertising Age named it the slogan of the 20th century. Continue reading
Why do guys send unsolicited d–k pics? I feel like as I talk to guys, we slowly venture into sexting, then the guy just takes it from zero to 100. I’m interested in him, but the picture just came out of nowhere. Do any girls actually like these things? How do you respond? —Anonymous
Hold up. There’s no such thing as “slowly venturing” into sexting, defined by Dictionary.com as “the sending of sexually explicit photos, images, text messages or emails by using a cellphone or other mobile device.” Sexting implies that you are interested in having sex with the person to whom you send the images.
I’m unclear how you do that slowly. Whatever you sent suggested that you were interested in having sex with him. He responded with a picture of his sexual organ to let you know that he’s also interested, to allow you to gauge his equipment and for you to anticipate what he can do with it. I’m unclear where this guy went wrong here.
That said, I’ve heard plenty of stories about men actually going from “zero to 100” and sending penis pictures when there was no indication whatsoever from the woman that they would be welcomed. I’ve received a set of pictures—yes, plural—from a guy out of the blue.
Probably, like you, I wondered, “Why?” Had I done something to mislead him? Did he think I was that type of girl?
I never arrived at a solid answer, and your letter finally prompted me to get one, as much for you as for myself. I hit up several guys in my circle to get to the bottom of what I’d started to think of as the “d–k-pic conundrum.” The answers, which the guys gave on the condition of complete anonymity, were fascinating.
First, the “why” should be obvious. “I never understood why my female friends were always so confused as to why dudes sent them,” said one man. “It’s clear that the pic is supposed to incite sexual interest or excitement. Whether you’re grossed out or not, you know damn well why he did it!”
But is a d–k pic a sign that he doesn’t respect you? Most of the guys agreed that wasn’t the case.
“Men don’t see it as a form of disrespect,” another gentleman explained. “It’s our way of being vulnerable. Most women, especially black women, are very vocal as it pertains to their wants in life. This includes career goals, marriage, family and a sex life. They have made it very clear how they want to be pleased in the bedroom. An unsolicited d–k pic is oftentimes a man’s way of saying, ‘I qualify.’”
In simpler terms, another man explained the pictures “as a way of saying, ‘You interested or nah?’ It’s basically just fishing, throwing the bait out there and hoping something [catches].”
Most of the dozens of men I conversed with understood how many women could perceive the photos as uncouth and ill-mannered. Still, the guys also thought that the guys who sent them ultimately were harmless and women were making a big deal out of nothing. Several suggested that the penis pictures might be one of those circumstances that support the idea that “men are from Mars, women are from Venus”—i.e., the sexes are just wired differently. Continue reading
Fontella Marie Holmes, 26, single mom, lotto winner. Black lady. She hit the numbers back in February to the tune of $88 million after taxes, and she has since dropped NINE milli bailing her man outta jail two times. I keep reading articles about how people are enraged and baffled by her spending this amount of money on a felonious man.
Me? Meh. Not so much.
1. She was with ol’ boy before she had money.
Holmes hit the lotto in February 2015 and used her proceeds to bail out Lamar McDow, who was arrested in November 2014, in March.
I’m going to suggest that an active drug distributor, who had a girlfriend with four children, probably spent some dough on her and the kids, and not just a lollipop here and there. Babies– FOUR babies– are expensive. And Holmes didn’t have a job at the time she hit the number. It’s not a reach to assume that McDow dropped some duckets on the regular for this family. He may have been funding Holmes — and her kids– entirely before she “got on”.
When the drug dealing man who held you down gets locked up, you return the “favor” by bailing him out.
2. She Doesn’t Care He’s A Drug Dealer
Look, I’m all for innocent until proven guilty, but you don’t just happen to find yourself in a room with 8,000 bags of heroin unless you are– have been for quite some time– into some nefarious sh–. You get caught with a bag of heroin? I’ll hear you out on saying the police planted it and you don’t know how it got there. But eight thousand bags? Son. That’s. Your. Heroin!!!
You also don’t stumble into EIGHT THOUSAND bags of heroin over night. You’ve been in the game for a minute, long enough to know people who know people to get your weight up, figuratively and literally. And if you are moving drugs at this level, unless your girlfriend is ADA Angela Valdes, she knows what you do for a living.
When McDow was arrested again in July, he was living with Holmes and her four kids in the trailer Holmes lived in before she hit the lotto. He’d also been upgraded from boyfriend to fiancé since his March release. They’ll have “matching lambos” any day now.
3. Perspective Matters
NINE MILLION DOLLARS is an insane amount to people who don’t have $88 million after taxes. Holmes dropped almost eight figures (kinda) getting her man out of jail and still has $79 million more… AFTER TAXES.
I have a personal philosophy on not visiting jail or being involved with men who do illegal hood rat sh– with their friends. As a personal rule, I don’t do bail money unless the case you caught was protecting our family, saving a life, or marching for civil liberties. I’d also drop stacks to free you if you have an encounter with a rogue cop. But otherwise, no.
That said, if I had a different philosophy on bail and say I had $50k saved? If I spend the same percentage freeing my man that Holmes did freeing hers, I’d spend about $5k. That’s not so bad. What you have to understand is that there are levels. We ain’t financially on Holmes’s.
4. She didn’t actually pay $9 million in bail.
Holmes used a bail bondsman to get McDow out of jail. So she’s plunked down a non-refundable 900k so far, about .01 percent of her winnings. She only pays the other $8.1 million if McDow fails to show up for court.
5. I never expected very much from Holmes (at least not anytime soon)
Prior to hitting the lotto, Holmes was a 26 year old, unemployed single mom with four kids by two men, dating a drug dealer and living with her mom. That’s a lot of not-the-best decision making in a relatively short life. Cashing a lump sum lotto check wasn’t going to turn her trajectory around on a dime.
Many people have this idea that money makes you smart, or changes you. Um, that’s what education, reading, travel, experience (if you learn from it) do. Money just gives you more options, and if you’re not at least mature, it makes you more of what you are. Holmes was a “trap queen” before the money. She’s still one 88 million dollars later.
by Demetria Lucas
Ok this is a new show that just started airing on NdaniTV, I heard about it and did not know what to expect. My friend sent me the link and I found the topic interesting especially because most of the guests are campaigning for the lack of abstinence in the first place. Can I say I m in love with the host and I one hundred per cent share her views? lol. Think what you want, even those who claim to have sex all the time cheat and are cheated on.
Note:Seodi White is an international development, law and gender expert from Malawi. She runs Maxi Change 360 Degrees Consult, a consultancy firm, and is a researcher, policy analyst and program designer in women’s rights. The views expressed in this commentary are solely hers.
CNN: About 15 years ago, I was doing research on inheritance laws in Malawi and their impact on women.
Part of my research methodology was to engage in focus group discussions with women in village settings. In order to do this in any village in Malawi, one has to seek permission from the village chief.
And so I did. The chief told me to come back the next day so that he can have time to mobilize the women, as well as give them proper notice of the proposed discussion.
When I came back the next day, the “women” had indeed gathered waiting for me. However I noticed that the “women” were not women, as such. They were… kids. Teenage girls.
I said to the chief “I was hoping to talk to women and not to kids or girls, as I don’t think they would understand much about inheritance.” His response was, “but these are our women; look, they have babies with them and they are all married.”
I was shocked. Then it dawned on me, “aah, girl-child marriages.” After asking, I found the girls’ ages ranged from 13 to 18, with two being 24.
This then spurred me into action and it was the beginning of a decade-plus journey of understanding girl-child marriages in my country and fighting for the practice to end.
What I found out was disheartening as the statistics came in. I was horrified to learn that Malawi has one of the highest rates of child marriage in the world. It is ranked eighth of the 20 countries that are considered to have the highest rates of child marriage by the U.N. Population Fund.
On average, one out of two girls in Malawi will be married by their 18th birthday, according to the United Nations. In 2010, half of the women (50%) aged 20–24 years were married or in a union before age 18 (compared to 6.4%of boys), while 12% of women married before they were 15 compared to only 1.2% of men. Child marriage is in both rural and urban areas. It is also higher than the regional average for sub-Saharan Africa (37%).
‘Law, save the girls!’
Being a lawyer, I looked to the law. “My hero the law, save the girls,” I thought! Yet, I soon found out that this was a complex story.
The Constitution of Malawi, which is the supreme law of the land from whom all legal authority is derived, has provided for some measures of protection for all children. However the same Constitution defines children as those aged 16 and below. The United Nations defines children as those aged 18 and below and so to that extent the Constitution does not comply with international standards on definitions of childhood.
The Constitution also allows marriages of persons aged 18 and below and it does not have a cut-off point where marriage is actually prohibited.
This means for all intents and purposes, the Constitution of the Republic of Malawi allows child marriages. Alas the law had failed me!
But there was hope in the air. In February, Malawi’s parliament passed the Marriage, Divorce & Family Relations Bill of 2015 into law.
This law was born amid the outcry against girl-child marriage, as the country had realized the dangers of girl-child marriage.
Save for a few areas, it is a very progressive piece of legislation, particularly from a women’s rights perspective. Among other things, the law prohibits marriage for anybody below the age of 18.
So, does it mean that the Constitutional provisions fall away? The spanner in the works is that since the Constitution allows marriage below the age of 18, the new law to the extent that it prohibits child marriage is invalid.
So whilst many have celebrated the new law, I haven’t, as girls remain shackled by a Constitutional provision that basically allows child marriage. So until the Constitution changes and recognizes children as those aged 18 and above, and therefore puts marriage age at 18 giving many girls the opportunity to go to school and get educated, I will remain sad as I was 15 years ago.
‘Guarantee for poverty’
I will remain sad because I know the cost of child marriage. It deprives girls of education and undermines their self-confidence and self-identity. It also makes them prone to physical and emotional abuse by their so called husbands.
Further to this, girl-child marriage inevitably means early parentage and higher risks of maternal mortality. As if this is not enough, studies have shown that girl-child marriage is a risk factor in the transmission of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections, as young wives do not have much bargaining power to negotiate safe sex with older men.
Girl-child marriages need to be prohibited tough the Constitution because they are a violation of every conceivable human right including the right to life, health, education, human dignity and development.
What I know for sure child marriage is a guarantee for poverty among girls in my country and I want it to end. No ifs or buts.
The post below is written by Demetria Lucas ( I always post some of her stuff) and her perspective is one that should not be overlooked. What do you think about her position? See below
by Demetria Lucas
In the countless articles and conversations about Rachel Dolezal, so many have wondered why ol’ girl would pretend to be black.
I can’t tell if they mean that question genuinely, like, “like who in their right mind would she put on this ruse for a decade?” Or is it self-depreciating like, “why would anyone in ther right mind want to be black, given the burdens of being such?”
I’m going to give the benefit and hope most folks mean the former, not the latter. And to answer that I’ve got a theory, that goes beyond, “um, duh. Because black women are inherently awesomene!”
My conclusion: Rachel Dolezal’s social capital goes even further as a light-skinned, blue-eyed black girl even than a white girl who’s down for the cause.
Stay with me.
In college, my bestie had a roommate, a white girl, who loved black guys and all things black culture. “Mary” was raised in a lilly-white cow town, somewhere way out in Maryland that despite growing up in Maryland, I’d never heard of.
And despite proclaiming a love for all things black, Mary didn’t really get black people, especially women.
One day she burst into my dorm room, without knocking and yelled, “where yo baby daddy?” There was a popular song at the time (1997) called “My baby daddy.” It was the first time I’d heard the term. But here was Mary, thinking that because she heard the new term in a song, it must mean all black people spoke this way.
She was that type of white girl.
More Vanilla Ice than Eminem if you understand the (important) distinction.
Uh, no. My roommate chastised her for not knocking, then added, “Hey, do you hear us talking like that?”
Roomie: Then don’t come in here talking that way. We’re in college. Speak like it.
Everytime me and bestie, a black girl, went down to Route 1, the local strip where (mostly white) college kids hung out, Mary declined. No interest. Every time we went to the popular black clubs in DC at the time— DC Live, VIP, The Bank or The Ritz— Mary was the first one dressed.
It was interesting partying with her. Mary wasn’t unattractive, but she wasn’t stunning. She was about average. And yet, black guys would clamor over each other and stumble over themselves to get her attention, spit game, and/or dance with her. Part of it is because of the stereotype about white girls being easy, treating oral sex as casually as a kiss, and having (daddy’s) money they freely spend to trick on their Black boyfriends. The other part of it is the surprisingly common belief that snagging “a white girl” is some kind trophy-worthy accomplishment.
So of course she liked partying with black folk. Her otherness made her exotic and her social capital and white privilege were magnified in a room full of color-struck black guys far moreso than in a room full of white boys. She was a unicorn instead of just another horse.
This is why I think Rachel Dolezal, another white girl from a cow-town, would be enamored with being around Black folk. Now why she would go the extra step to “pass” as a black woman?
A lot of Black folks still think “white is (closer to) right.” Blame it on slavery, if you wish. But the result is blue-eyed white girl Rachel? Meh. Dime a dozen. Blue-eyed black girl Rachel? Four leaf clover.
There are other factors at play here beyond aesthetics. Healthy doses of racism and the resulting unfavorable economics for black folk have resulted in a somewhat skewed versions of success when it comes for us vs. them.
Another story: I lived overseas once with five roommates. We were all sitting in the living room, and one of them, the other black girl, began speaking to another (white) roommate who was also from Maryland. “I don’t get the obsession with PG County,” the black roommate said. “Like the black people there are so bourgeoisie.” (It was a dig. She knew I was from PG.)
Prince George’s County is one of the wealthiest and degreed black counties in the nation. It’s the east coast version of Los Angeles’ Ladera Heights (which Frank Ocean sings about in “Sweet Life,” calling it “the Black Beverly Hills.”). That said, it might be one of the richest black counties, but it’s only slightly above average in terms of money and degrees in comparison to the overall white counties in the state.
(Yet) another story: I used to work for Essence. When I’d meet a black woman of any age and say I worked there, she’d go “OMG! Essence?!” She was impressed. I’d tell a white person 30-50, the core age demo of the publication, and she’d ask, “What’s Essence?”
I tell you this to make this point: White girl with a double degree? (Rachel hold a master’s from Howard University.) Good for you. Black girl with a double degree? Among black people, you’re deemed bourgeoisie, a part of the New Talented Tenth, and you get on the radar of the Links.
Chris Rock made a joke about this set up, something like, “Tom Hanks is an amazing actor, but Denzel Washington is a god to his people.”
As an educated, blue-eyed, mixed-race-looking black woman operating in black spaces, Rachel Dolezal’s social capital extends the farthest. She’s held in higher esteem, gains greater access to influencers, even becoming one in her circle. Perhaps she garners more sexual/marriage interest because of black folks and our collective colorism issues.
She becomes a big fish in the lake as opposed to just another fish in the ocean.
By now we have all heard about the assault on teenagers by a police officer in Mckinney TX. Teenagers can be sturbborn and can constitute a nuisance, however, the trauma these kids will feel now. Since the video was first published, the officer has resigned his position after ten years in service. How sad! Contributor Naija Richardson shares her perspective below;
by Naija Richardson
Somebody call my mama! Please call my mama!! These were the words that preceded the infamous slam to the ground by one of McKinney’s Police. This moment was a moment that despite race a mother would feel. The moment when your child cries is an immediate alert that they are in need. This call gave me a heavy heart. As a mother of two I felt for this girl and I was angered that a child could be treated in such a manner. A child who posed no threat? That vivid image is one that will remain in my mind forever, and one could only imagine how the victim feels. As the events would unfold the officer who shows no compassion not only uses profanity but also pulls a gun out on unarmed children. There is one thing to support an officer because there was a very present threat, versus an officer who was filled with rage and clearly not rational. We trust in our law enforcement to protect us however the actions displayed in this particular situation created an uproar. So many people have associated his actions with race while others say it is a simple principle of right and wrong. Is there any valid explanation for the officers’ actions only he could say, but to all the viewers the only question that designates is “Was there a better way?”
In 1988 Bette Midler’s production company released the film Beaches, a moving homage to friendship and forgiveness. It may seem a bit odd, then, that the Divine Miss M.’s corporate motto was “We hold a grudge.” Can love, forgiveness, and holding grudges really go together? Yes, they can—depending on how you define grudge.
Some people will hold a bitter grudge against anyone who looks at them cross-eyed. “Suzy made a ‘dumb blonde’ joke,” a friend fumes. “Well, I’m blonde. As far as she knows. That’s it, Suzy is dead to me!”
This is like donning full-on plate armor in response to a playful slap: With anger so heavy and disproportionate, you may end up collapsed on the battlefield wearing an outfit the size, weight, and consistency of a Toyota Yaris. If you’re in a constant mouth-foaming rage at someone, get away and get a shrink. But if you simply find your mood dipping whenever you encounter a certain person, I suggest holding a grudge.
A good grudge is simply an acknowledgment of another person’s foibles—it keeps you at a safe emotional distance from people who could mess up your life. Depending on the person, you might hold a grudge as light as a parasol or as solid as a titanium shield. Here, in order of severity, are descriptions of people who deserve to be held at bay: Continue reading
Every now and again I take a post from my dear friend in my head Demetria Lucas and share with you all. I do not always agree with her perspective (I agree with most). This however, is one that I could not be more in concurrence. There is a line between disciplining your child and bullying them. Parents need to learn the difference.
By Demetria Lucas
There’s yet another viral video of a black parent publicly shaming her child.
In this one, a 12-year-old boy named Terrence, who came home smelling like marijuana, got a “George Jefferson” haircut from his stepmom. To make matters worse, the stepmom, Aaliyah Hines, found out that he also failed the seventh grade and will have to repeat it next year. In the caption for the video that was posted to Hines’ Facebook page, she said she’s selling his Jordans. He also won’t be sleeping in his new bed, he’s going to summer school and she’s sending him to stay with her mom. Oh, and she promised to give him that George Jefferson haircut again the following week.
“I don’t ever want your hairline to grow back,” she said to him in the video. “You’re going to be looking like your grandpa.” Apparently he’ll be looking like an old man for a while.
I’m not bothered so much by the punishment part of it. Jordans are a luxury, not a necessity. And sending the kid to Grandma? Well, maybe she’ll actually do a better job staying on top on his schoolwork this summer. It’s not lost on me that it’s close to the end of the school year, and the stepmom (the biological mother and father aren’t seen in the video), despite yelling to the camera that her son is “going to get this work,” has just discovered in the final hour that the child has failed.
The punishments are what they are, but what I take issue with is the “whole world” knowing about it. It’s one thing to screw up and be punished, even embarrassed, but it’s quite another to know that there is an everlasting video telling millions of people what you’ve done, and one that they’ll be able to pull up anytime.
When I viewed Hines’ video Tuesday night on her Facebook page, there were 1.1 million views. By Thursday morning, it had 7.2 million. Hines seems very proud of herself, performing for the camera as she chastises her son, including shaving his head as he sits there pathetically. I think she expects the whole audience to cheer her on, applauding her for being like the much-hailed Baltimore mom who stormed a street protest to snatch up and smack down her son. But really, I felt awful for the child.
Did he deserve to be punished? Absolutely. Did he deserve to be publicly humiliated for an audience of millions? Absolutely not. If anyone other than a parent uploaded a video to humiliate another person this way, especially a teenager, it would be called cyberbullying. If the child willfully participated in this act as part of a group initiation ceremony, it would be called hazing. But because it’s a parent humiliating a child on camera and posting it online, we’re supposed to celebrate this as a new, effective model of parenting?
Does it even work? I recall one of the early versions of this type of video in 2011, in which an uncle whipped his nephew for posing as a gangster on Facebook and then made the teen confess that he was a fraud. Since the child was acting up on social media, involving social media in the punishment—or at least the apology, not so much the beating—made sense. The uncle was hailed as a hero. Still, that same kid was found shot to death later that year. Apparently he was still trying to be down.
A part of me wonders whether these videos can actually make kids worse. I have my own experience with being publicly shamed by my parents. When I was in fourth or fifth grade, I went to a Catholic school that required students to wear uniforms four days a week. I did something that my parents didn’t approve of—probably talking back to a teacher—and my punishment was going to school in my uniform on the nonuniform day.
It sounds harmless enough, but it made me stand out horribly at an age when most kids are desperate to belong. I didn’t get much work done that day, between being whispered about and fielding questions about why I was the one unlike the others.
Obviously, that experience didn’t teach me not to be outspoken; it just made me feel terrible about myself and like an outcast. The result was that I acted worse and did stupid stuff to fit in because I had to redeem myself for sticking out. Go figure. Maybe that’s what happened to that nephew, too.
The truth is, while Terrence did fail, his parents failed him. If his grades were an issue and he was hanging with the wrong crowd, surely there were multiple signs before he came home smelling like weed and with a report card full of F’s, including one in P.E.
Maybe things have changed since I was in junior high school 20 years ago, but don’t schools have quarterly report cards and parent-teacher conferences? Don’t parents still check homework or tests brought home? Why weren’t his parents monitoring their child’s progress? How did his stepmom just learn he was failing? It didn’t just happen all of a sudden. It had been happening up until they got to this public shaming.
So where was all this “work” then? Perhaps if there had been more actual work put in by his family at the beginning of the school year, his stepmom wouldn’t be performing for her Facebook audience now to save face in order to avoid being labeled a bad parent.
Deadline’s TV editor Nellie Andreeva created a stir with her latest column, originally titled “Pilots 2015: The Year of Ethnic Castings — About Time or Too Much of Good Thing,” and now headlined simply “Pilots 2015: The Year Of Ethnic Castings.”
In the piece she suggests that television may have gotten too diverse and that blacks may now be overrepresented on cable and broadcast television programs.
Andreeva says some wonder, in this “sea of change” if “the pendulum might have swung a bit too far in the opposite direction.” This is like wondering if there are too many kids with high SAT scores at college, too many women in the workforce or too many gays getting married.
My grandpa was born in 1922 and was nearly 30 by the time the first black TV show, “Amos ‘n’ Andy,” debuted in 1951. He didn’t have a television set at the time, just a radio. Continue reading
“Pacman” the new name for boxer Manny Pacquiao just as moneymayweather is to Floyd Nayweather. The only way you didn’t hear about the fight that held last week Saturday, May 2nd was if you lived in Pluto. Matter of fact, Pluto residents probably heard about it too. It was my girlfriend’s birthday so she hosted us to a private booth/seating at The Shark Bar in Plano Texas. We watched the fight and went on to boogie some.
That is not the main reason for this post.
When I entered the venue it looked like Mayweather had given everyone some money to support him. I was stunned at the support people showed him. In fact I was impressed. I understood that he was the champion and winners usually attracted more followers but I showed my support for Pacman nonetheless. People were in disbelief. More like “you are black why won’t you support the black obviously going to win dude?” “What water are you drinking supporting Pacman?” my other friend asked. For me it was more than just the “fight”. It was more than what the athlete demonstrated in the ring. To show you support, I have to at least believe that you earned it. I can’t just jump on the band wagon. This is not my style. I had recently researched both men. First place I looked was instagram and that was all I needed to see. Pacman showing family, charity, love for God and others and Mayweather bragging, showing diamonds, women stripping and dancing for him, another bathing him etc. As a feminist, there was no way I could look past those images. All I could see as the fight went on was a man who did not respect women in the ring with another who did. I do respect the skills that Mayweather has. You can’t deny that. He is undisputed for a reason. Congrats. But my respect? which he probably doesn’t need? He will never earn if he lives his life just the way he has exuded on instagram.
A father of four exuding such ridiculousness? I could not get passed that. This brings me to the notion that one does not have to purchase stuff because they can afford it. Mayweather should learn from men like Mike Tyson and take a chill pill. Just relax.
We cannot forget the time that Mayweather had auctioned off his ex fiancees (Shantell Jackson who is now dating rapper Nelly) designer purses online after they had broken up. He was not going to allow her leave him after spending that much money on her. That was a red flag, then later he beat his ex girlfriend ( mother of his 3 kids) up. He went to jail for that though. Overall the guy creeps me out. People do change and he may just have made some bad decisions but forgive me for not being able to look past it.
This is not a Mayweather bashing post. I just want to allow all those people that wonder why I prefer Pacman to see where I am coming from.
PS Pacman lost by four points ( so it was an actual fight not a push away), and now we just found that Pacman had a shoulder injury that now requires surgery. #justsaying. Mayweather won nonetheless and it can’t be taken from him.
So to all those drooling over Mayweather this is my reason.
By Demetria Lucas.
NOTE: For clarity: the blame for rape rests solely on the rapists. I am staunchly in the “men should not rape” crowd. However, hundreds of people witnessed this woman’s assault, others watched and recorded it, and the woman likely was partying with friends prior to her assault. Those people are not responsible for rape, but they still aint sh–.
Like many, I’ve been following the news story about a 19-year-old woman who was publicly gang-raped during spring break in Panama City, Fla. Dozens of people watched or recorded the incident, which is how it came to the attention of authorities who were investigating an unrelated crime in another state. The woman, who was semiconscious during the assault, alleges that she was drugged and has little recollection of the incident. So far, two men—both Troy University students—have been arrested.
Video of the assault, thankfully, isn’t publicly available—even though it’s only a matter of time before someone could post it online—but Bay County Sheriff Frank McKeithen described it as “the most disgusting, sickening thing I’ve ever seen.”
I’m horrified by this story, which is perhaps every woman’s worst nightmare, but I can’t say I’m surprised by most of it. The one thing that raises my (manicured) eyebrows is wondering, “How did this 19-year-old woman get left behind?” According to reports, she was found unconscious on a beach chair. Where were her friends? Surely she didn’t go to spring break alone, and that type of event usually isn’t a couples’ getaway. She had to have some girls. Where were they?
I’ve babysat my fair share of drunken friends (and to be fully transparent, in my early 20s, I also needed a babysitter on more occasions than I’m comfortable publicly admitting). It is beyond annoying to be with the friend who can’t hold her liquor and wants to act up or throw up or pass out. But two of the codes of womanhood and drinking are, “No woman left behind” and “We go together, we leave together.” Period. Continue reading