“Ask Jenny”- Diary of a good lady and her douchelord boyfriend; my candid response below
Hey Jennifer, I love your blog and your posts. You are trying. I have even showed it to all my fellow workers in the office and we all look at it everyday. Where can we buy your books? Anyway. I see that you always say the truth so I want to ask you something and see what you will tell me to do. My name is Patricia and I am 29 years old. I have a fiancée, although he didn’t engage me o. He just tells people that I m his wife so I tell myself we are engaged. Ehen, we have been together since I was in first year in school, and I was 21, he was 23 in third year. He loves me and I love him too but he stresses me too much. He disvirgined me and got me pregnant four times and he doesn’t like to use condom, and he will say that nothing will happen and he will marry me in the end. I continued to do all he said just to make him happy because other girls are rushing him. I heard that he is dating one girl that lives in his compound, she is 22 now and usually respects me, now she just rolls her eyes when she sees me. So I think its true. He has a history of cheating but he says its nothing serious that a man has to hold body when his woman is not there. Ok now, his mother called me to come to Uyo from Port Harcourt last week. I was a little bit confused because she has never called me like that. I thought something bad had happened. And I called him many times but he didn’t pick. I was scared.
When I got to Uyo that evening around 6pm, his mother gave me food, I said no until she tells me what’s going on. When his mother was sick three years ago, all my salary was used to care for her because he wasn’t working then.
She said if I don’t want to eat no problem. She said that the girl that lives with the mother in Uyo, that I thought was his little cousin, she is 19 now, that she is pregnant for my boyfriend and he will marry her. I was shocked. Pregnant ke? Me I have been with him for 9 years and have 4 abortions to show for it. I almost fainted. The mother said she likes me that I should not be angry.
The stupid boyfriend called me now and said it was a one-time mistake and that its me he wants to marry. My friends say that I should forgive him if he is ready to marry me and give me ring. If not, I should pursue him to go away. Me I’m tired o. There is still a lot I cant say now . But from this one, what do you think. See my response after the cut
My first response is, is this a joke? Some sort of Nigerian home video? You have got to be kidding me. First and foremost, you are young, you are a graduate and you work. So that means that you are not dumb and can get any man you want. Let me answer the questions one at a time. You can get my book at Silverbird Galleria in V.I, or online at amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com, or even on my website and thanks to you and your colleagues for supporting my blog.
Now, what man in this century doesn’t like to use protection when having sex? It’s just one of the little things he says to you to control you. Before we go any further, please go test yourself and be sure where you stand especially since this guy roams the streets regularly. What do you mean girls are rushing him? Take care of yourself and guys will rush you too. That gives him no right to treat you badly. A man telling his girl that cheating should be accepted when she is not around is just plain disrespectful. He’s a douche, kick his sorry ass to the northpole.
His mother called you to do his dirty work? He is not even man enough to tell you what happened. He had sex with a little girl that calls his uncle? This boyfriend, I’m sorry to say has a problem and need psychiatric reevaluation. He might be a pedophile or sex addict. But he definitely has a problem if you want me to be honest. Did he have his father in his life? How was his childhood and upbringing? That might be one step to finding out why he is so disconnected. He needs to fix himself first before he destroys more lives, including yours.
No offense, but your friends are off their rockers to tell you to forgive him if he gives you a ring. Marriage is not everything. It’s a long road from when you say I do. What makes them think he will stop when you guys are married? I’m confused. The ring wont mean s*** to him if he doesn’t regard you as an equal partner, please put emotions aside and think with your head. It will be the biggest mistake of your life- marrying this douchelord, without him getting help first.
Don’t let the marriage thing fool you, he knows that’s what you want and has continued to use it to manipulate you. That’s why he tells people you are his wife without putting a ring on it. You are not his wife boo boo. He’s taken advantage Also, another more deserving man will marry you.
Pick up the pieces, forget all the abortions and move on. Some women have gone through worse and made better lives. I guess I m just surprised that you stayed so long despite his bad behavior. I guess that bring me to ask of your own childhood. Is there anything that makes you feel you need to hold on to relationships even when they are bad for you? You might also need to talk to someone like your pastor, an elder, or someone you trust and look up to because I can’t judge everything from this message. Please email me again and let me know how you are faring. Thanks for letting me share your story so others can learn. Cheers